When I was a little kid, I was always took a long time getting ready to go places. For some reason, it seemed to take me forever to decide what I should bring, gather everything up, put on my shoes, everything that a kid needs to do to get ready to go somewhere. My parents were constantly chastising me for being slow; I have many memories of my Dad yelling up the stairs, “hurry up, you’re moving slow as molasses!”
Naturally, this started to get on my nerves. As a kid, I suppose I didn’t really understand why being on time was important; I never thought it caused anyone any real inconvenience. After all, it’s not like anyone else had anywhere to be, right?
After hearing my parents use the phrase “slow as molasses” so many times, I was eager to get “revenge”, and use this phrase against them. Finally, one day when I was excited about somewhere we were going and had gotten ready on time, my parents were the ones who were going to make us late. I was so excited; this is exactly what I’d been waiting for! I made my way to the bottom of the stairs and, when I saw my parents in the hallway, confidently shouted “c’mon, you guys are slow as MOSES!”
…Apparently, I was not as familiar with the phrase as I had thought. Not knowing what molasses was, I’d always assumed my Dad was comparing me to Moses, who was, from what I inferred, a guy from the Bible who moved slowly and was always late for things. My parents, amused, later explained that the phrase was about molasses, the viscous substance, rather than Moses, the biblical figure. In hindsight, I suppose molasses made a lot more sense, but to this day I still carry around the perception that Moses was a guy who took his own sweet time.